we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
