tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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