Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
