So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
