talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
