I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize