At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
