There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
