I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
