so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
