i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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