I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
