i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize