I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize