I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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