It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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