we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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