Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's blow job season.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
