Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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