turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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