if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
