hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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