A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
