Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
