halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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