I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
