Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
