Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Randomize
