You made me cry and you don't even care
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Farmville is her only friend.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
