I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
4 words: hood of his car
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
