You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
worst night to have a conscience
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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