Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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