one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize