Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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