i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize
