she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My life is pants optional.
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