2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
