Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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