The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
