You're completely useless in the revolution.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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