im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
