i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
