I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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