My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
