What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
