whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
