How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I came so hard my ears popped.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
