my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
