Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize