'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
