I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize