I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
