Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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