Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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