1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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