The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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