the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
