Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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