Fuck appropriateness.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
