Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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