You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You did what with his pubic hair?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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