yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
