she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
