I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
