I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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