you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
