wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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