my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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