I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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