I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
