can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
