I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
