how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize