why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
