I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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