So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I want her autograph on my taint
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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