One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize