apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
