dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
