I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
