i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
