just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
