i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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