Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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