If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
