During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
