I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
