try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize