Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
