youre lurking in front of me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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