i permit you to call me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
