i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
