The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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